So obviously I've been slacking. I realize that. I've withdrawn my patent application anointing myself, "the Cal Ripken of the blogspot"*. Here's the skinny...come May, with the NBA Playoffs and all**, it gets to be a busy time of the year for me. I've consulted my Mother***, and returned with what I'm assured to be the solution for any of life's upheaval:
Ryan Braun's "To Do List" (May 11, 2008):
1) I will get back to my semi-daily blogs about the book that is to change my life. I'vedelved two pages in thus far, and yes, I would say my life got incrementally better with each one.
2) Clean my apartment. I will feel better about myself, thus leading to:
3) My asking a beautiful woman for a date. "What's the worst that could happen? They say no. Great! Then you'll have time to watch your basketball game."
*I'm from MD
**Technically, I have no affiliation
with the NBA or any of its franchises.****
***Happy Mother's Day!*****
****In actuality, I'm convinced my spending
fourth quarters in a defensive stance helped the Cavs
to the finals last year******. Also, it toned my thighs.
So I didn't throw out the Wizard magazine*. I was rummaging through it and stumbled upon the top 10 "hot"** comic artists list. Now, being the emotionally mature, 25 year old lumberjack of a man that I am, I weaned myself off comic books days ago (the "Wizard" magazine prominently displayed on my coffee table notwithstanding). Taken by nostalgia, I got to reading this list that I'd read monthly through my formative years until I started paying for my own comic books and had to pear down my selections. Sitting there in second place was my childhood favorite. Joe Madureira. I grew up on Joe Madureira. When I was 16, I remember grooming myself to be a Madureira/Michael Jordan hybrid***. One thing led to another and I'm back on the wagon. I looked up what he's been up to recently and posted something above. It came out a little small, but it's pretty freaking cool. He draws a killer Spider-Man, which is kinda the way to my heart as comic books artists go. So here's to you Joe Mad**** Number two on the list. Number one in my heart.
# 1 fan,
**"hot" meaning "popular" (This list of comic artists does not
in any way correlate to the list of "hot" sexy women, also in the magazine).
A combination of a busy few days and excessive fear has as of yet precluded me from taking on Task Two*. Nevertheless, let's take a look ahead at Task Three: throw away something you like. Being both a touch of a magazine fanatic and petrified to part with anything made of equal or greater quality than plastic, I was led to an obvious conclusion. So, today**, I'm throwing away a bunch of old magazines I'd stored up***. The top mag of the bunch is pictured above.
*but F that, it's happening tomorrow.
**the impromptu day of Task Three. Also, Thursday.
***I almost didn't insert this footnote, but here it is. This is raw. This is the real deal: Of the magazines I'd saved up, I'd saved them in two separate categories. One: "I like them, but I could part with them in such an instance as someone making me throw out a bunch of magazines in a symbolic gesture of personal growth and acceptance of change", and Two: "There's no f'ing way I'm throwing these magazines out." Which pile hit the recycling bin****? Goodbye "Wizard" March 2008, Special Issue: TV's Sexiest Women. I loved you, but I wasn't in love with you.
****courtesy of an environmentally friendly blog (EFB)
The Issue was the postponement of the uber*-exciting Task Two. The Performance is right above. Task Two (while still very much impending) was put on hold so I could sing Friday night at my favorite improv theater in the world, The Hothouse.
Ryan Braun (pictured above*), newly prolific blogger, writes:
Task Two in The Book** is called, "The Love of Your Life."*** All I've done is open the page and already I'm afraid to commit to it. I'm supposed to gaze at everyone as though they are the love of my life, and then, "act in consequence".**** Of all the tasks I've done so far (this would be the second), I look at Task Two as the one most likely to end in my arrest. Even more so then the dreaded stealing to take place on Day 163.
*Self Portrait (done by natural light and iPhone)
**"This Book will Change Your Life", by Benrik*****
***I can never remember which side of the quotation mark
the period goes in an instance such as this:
." or ".
****Still don't know. But now I figure one of them is right.
For the longest time (until today) I almost didn't write a blog (something which, by all accounts, seems like an endeavor I'd enjoy) because I was terribly unsure I had either anything interesting to write about or anyone to read anything I'd written. So today I bought a book called, "This Book will Change your Life" (it did and I started a blog). In this assumedly remarkable book, there are a bunch of tasks to do in a year (something like 365 tasks) to spice up the average life. With the newfound comfortability (apparently not a word?) gained from this book (whenever I need to, I'm ripping off its ideas), let the blogging commence.
Blog 1 (The Background Edition):
My name is Ryan. I'm 25 and I look like this (see top of page*).
At this point (sentence 2) of the biography, I've panicked and looked to The Book for help. The first page I opened to is Day 163. Day 163 tells me to steal. "Shoplift Today." The book also notes not to do the stealing three times in the state of California (presumably the site of the crime), where the penalty for such repetitive criminality is 25 years to life.
It also occurs to me that, in recording my plan here, I'm leaving my potential legal defense team in a pickle. Thus, I think I'm going to start at the beginning of the book, and cross Day 163 when I come to it.